Vent

So I'm kind of in an awkward position right now. I feel like the relationship between my husband and I is falling apart. We always seem to be arguing, and it's over the simplest things... Well not always, but petty things are certainly common.

I feel like he isn't happy with me. Like he doesn't want to be close to me anymore. Just tonight, less than an hour ago I gave him a hug while in tears telling him that I'm tired of arguing. He couldn't even stop what he was doing to hug me like he meant it. He had my car keys in one hand and was giving me the most obligated hug known to mankind with the other. I don't know how to take it anymore. Part of me feels like there's no point in going on but I can't give up, my son is involved.

I want back what we used to have so bad. I miss waking up in the morning to him running his hands through my hair and lightly kissing my face when he thought I was still sleeping. Or the little notes he'd leave for me on my laptop. Even things as simple as coming home from work with a bag of sunflower seeds for me with a flower tucked in it.

I miss that feeling of overwhelming love anytime I thought of him. I miss that feeling of constant desire to do something special for him, even if that meant having heart shaped biscuits for dinner or a woven duct tape sign stuck to the side of his computer desk. I know the lovey dovey stuff doesn't last forever but I also know that it shouldn't lead to this.

He's slept on the couch a lot recently. Tonight probably too. Only this time with my assistance. I feel like were getting farther and farther apart. And we're talking about owning a home once I find a decent job. I don't see that as a good idea when we don't even know of we can manage to stay together at this point.

Well I think I'm calling it quits for right now. That's enough venting for me. I'm tired of thinking about this.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Things I hate

You know what I hate? People who think they know my motives and my reasoning behind decisions. I hate people who think they know what's best for me when they are on the completely wrong track. People who offer me advice on a topic that they failed miserably in and not because they learned from their mistakes... They're telling me to do the same things they did. And you know what else I hate? Something that really irks me... I make one "mistake" and all of a sudden you're a fucking God. I am weak and inconsiderate. I don't think, I just act. If the baby is upset and crying and I am laying in bed coughing my lungs up, you find it justified to get up and sleep in the living room and leave me with a screaming one year old for the next hour just because, " you guys cough too much and I ain't never going to get any sleep."It's nice to know you care.

Oh and I've got another one. I sit down in your chair and all of a sudden you need your computer because those YouTube videos just can't wait. But you need my computer and no reason in the world is good enough for you not to have your way. And then you have the nerve to say, "oh well it's mine anyway if you want to be like that. I had it before we were married." Yeah, well you know that nice Mustang you drive to work every day? Well guess who bought that before they were married? Asshole.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Decisions and Concequences

You know the worst part about having someone mad at you? Every time they say something your eyes light up just long enough for you to be let down again when you realize it wasn't you they were talking to. It sucks but its life. Now on to another topic.

I quit my job. The job that has given me less than 8 hours a week for the past month. The job whose last Biweekly check was 80 bucks. The job that paid minimum wage and got me nothing but headaches. Yeah, that job. Dairy Queen. While the facts remain that 160 dollars a month for the bullshit I was putting up with was not worth it... I quit a job in this economy. Stupid, right? So its natural for others not to agree with my decision, but I made my decision. And now that all the criticism is coming through I have to stand up for myself and that dreaded decision less I be crushed by all the comments and opinions of those who have nice, stable, well paying jobs.

What else can I do? I have talked about my problems at work with these people for a good while now. I have told them what was done in each situation and they agreed with me that it was unfair and it needed to be reported and that it was something that shouldn't be left unsaid. While the problems persisted and I hung on, these people still agreed with my opinion on the entire situation. After a series of incidences came and gone I was growing tired of dealing with it. I talked about different options and I talked about quitting. I asked advise and took the info into consideration. I told myself and them... I will deal with it now but if they give me one more reason to quit, I'm gone. They gave me another reason... and I stayed. Not even a week later, they gave me another one. THEN I left. It wasn't sudden. It wasn't random. It wasn't out of laziness and it wasn't because I was to weak to push through it. I don't deserve to be treated like shit and singled out while working less than 8 hours a week at minimum wage in a fast food joint. I'm sorry disappointed followers. I feel I am better than that.

Decisions, decisions

Sometimes we have to make hard decisions that not only effect ourselves but inadvertently effect those around us as well. It's in times like these that I find motivation to excel and meet expectations beyond what is expected to be seen. The question is, do I put that to the test or continue on in agony while dealing with one of Gods most disgusting creatures... To be continued.

Scheduling Nightmare

The latest... I've been having some problems at work with an old friend who just happens to be the assistant manager. She's in charge of the scheduling and no matter how many times I say I can't work until 6:15 she somehow manages to schedule me for 5 or 5:30. Which isn't that big a deal to me because I'm not showing up until 6:15 anyway, I just can't. And she called me up on my day off to tell me I had a bad close the night before... REALLY?? I work at Dairy Queen making minimum wage. Do you really expect me to care about my job when I'm not there? I wrote a letter to the store manager about both of the incidences and ever since then its been a silent feud. More 5 o'clock scheduling, less hours, and then there was today. Today is Sunday, the day I work. Well as it turns out I was suppose to work yesterday night too... Or so they said. After clearing things up with the store manager and thinking everything is alright I find out the bitch wrote me up for it. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I check the schedule and there I am from 6 to cl on Saturday night. But wait... What's this? Eraser marks... And my co workers name imprinted in the paper behind mine? Yeah, she did it. Changed my schedule and didn't tell me then wrote me up when I didn't show. Nice one, Asshole. It's not the first time she's done this. Other employees have had it happen to them too, only they caught the change and actually showed up. And not only that I was told from multiple different sources that when closing she will let the employees work until the place is spotless, completely disregarding the fact that they have to be gone by a certain time each night. Well to keep her name clear and the numbers right, she will go in and change the "clock out" times of each employee to the time they were suppose to have left, ripping off the employees of their rightful hours and pay. Brilliant, right?

And the kicker? In this down economy it's the only job I could get and I only got it because I knew the right people... Her. So now I have an obligation to my husband and son to keep this second income and be stomped on by a so-called friend.

That's just life, right?







- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone