Vent

So I'm kind of in an awkward position right now. I feel like the relationship between my husband and I is falling apart. We always seem to be arguing, and it's over the simplest things... Well not always, but petty things are certainly common.

I feel like he isn't happy with me. Like he doesn't want to be close to me anymore. Just tonight, less than an hour ago I gave him a hug while in tears telling him that I'm tired of arguing. He couldn't even stop what he was doing to hug me like he meant it. He had my car keys in one hand and was giving me the most obligated hug known to mankind with the other. I don't know how to take it anymore. Part of me feels like there's no point in going on but I can't give up, my son is involved.

I want back what we used to have so bad. I miss waking up in the morning to him running his hands through my hair and lightly kissing my face when he thought I was still sleeping. Or the little notes he'd leave for me on my laptop. Even things as simple as coming home from work with a bag of sunflower seeds for me with a flower tucked in it.

I miss that feeling of overwhelming love anytime I thought of him. I miss that feeling of constant desire to do something special for him, even if that meant having heart shaped biscuits for dinner or a woven duct tape sign stuck to the side of his computer desk. I know the lovey dovey stuff doesn't last forever but I also know that it shouldn't lead to this.

He's slept on the couch a lot recently. Tonight probably too. Only this time with my assistance. I feel like were getting farther and farther apart. And we're talking about owning a home once I find a decent job. I don't see that as a good idea when we don't even know of we can manage to stay together at this point.

Well I think I'm calling it quits for right now. That's enough venting for me. I'm tired of thinking about this.


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