I have issues. That's a shocker isn't? But in all seriousness... I got some habits I picked up one and I got to change them. And it isn't going to be easy. I got depression problems along with a few other things. But that bad part isn't the problem. The Real problem is I take it out on the wrong person. I take it out on Shane. And it sucks. Bc I don't realize it until he's upset and screaming about how he doesn't deserve it. And he's right. It wasn't until he said that, that I realized that what I was complaining about wasn't worth it. I mean.. he said something to me later on. Something along the lines of what's going on in my head is making me try and find problems. Almost like I'm irritated, so I'll take it out on someone, but it's not like that. It's more... whatever is going on in my head, I just... I have this thing that bothers me, and I'll cling to it and use that to blame when I feel down or depressed. And while it makes sense to me... I can't see it. It's one of those things that.. ya know. It's you. It's in your own head, but you don't see it. Now, maybe Shane's right. Maybe that is the problem. He's like me when it comes to evaluating people and understanding the subconscious of a person. So I don't just take it lightly just bc I can't see it. Sometimes when it's happening to yourself, you can't see it. That's what friends and relationships and parents are for... even tho we don't listen to our parents too much. Well, with me, if Dad was telling me something, I'd listen and take it to heart wether I showed it or not. Bc I know how he is with understanding people. With Mom... I knew she didn't have the same understanding and sh... well, I'm not getting into that. Anyways, back on topic...
Let me tell you a little about Shane.. He grew up here in South Carolina. His childhood wasn't exactly the greatest. He grew up on a farm for a while, for how long, I'm not sure. But he had it rough. I'm not going into detail, let's just say this... Don't complain to him about your past, he'll have a story to top yours. Believe me, I've tried. It sucks, but I can't win. Lol. In High School he was always getting in fights. The crazy, careless, tough guy I guess. He was forever in handcuffs from what I hear him and his parents say. Eventually they were going to exspell him... between that and the stuff he was going through at home he decided to move down to Florida and stay with his Dad. (They divorced when he was 6 I believe. Not sure.) While in Florida, he went to bootcamp, skipped from 9th to 12th grade, and graduated at 16. Smart kid, Great with technology. Even taught a class at his school on computers. He was still the trouble maker tho, but a respected one. You know the guys who are always causing trouble but have it in good with the authority? That's him, not bc he's a suck up, but bc they know it's not an act and bc they respect him. Fair enough? Okay, let's move on... After 5 years of being in Florida he left to go back home to the wonderful state of South Carolina. Apparently he was having trouble in Florida too. So he gets back and gets in touch with some old friends and gets back into some old habits. Some habits he never really left, just didn't show... but in any case... he's back home. Still a trouble maker. Still has problems, get's in trouble with the law. The regular rebellious teen, right? Keep reading...
When I first met him, we clicked. We met while he was in Florida. We mainly talked online, but it didn't matter. It was the conversation and the personality that kept us together. We were Best Friends for years. Always laughing, talking, spilling out our fears and our problems. Always being each others Dr Phil. It sucked when he told me he was moving back to South Carolina. I hated to hear that... but ya know. It happened. After he moved we really didn't talk much. He got in two or three relationships and I'd give him adivce on them when we talked, but usually he wasn't online at all. I think it was close to a year that I just didn't talk to him. I wanted to but jealous girl, busy schedule, never online... you know how it is. Well the last relationship went bad, like I told him it would a year ago. He was talking to his Mom about it after it ended and soon after I moved down here I was talking to her and she told me that one of the first thing's he said to her was, "Kristin told me this was gunna happen." It was a night or two after that he got on and we picked up where we left off. Talking and laughing again. One day he was joking around saying something about me going to see him. I told him I would if I had the cash. Well, he had the cash... and I had vacation time. So it was set. Off I go.
Now, I told you about how he grew up so you can know the steriotype. Get an idea of who he is... only so I can tell you you're wrong. Lol. He isn't your crazy teen who has no goals in life, goes on bumming off everyone. Jobless, careless. Severe lack or respect for everyone. The relationships that he get's into are meaningless... None of that is him. He is the type of person that will shock the hell out of you bc he's nothing like what he seems. If he was really a hard headed punk then... well, for one, I wouldn't be with him. Lol. But he wouldn't be as sweet as he is to me. Now seriously, make a mental list of all the qualities you want in a guy. Now imagine finding him... but then realizing that this guy you found.. not only has the qualities you listed, but sooo much more that you didn't even think about. I mean this guy... MY guy (lol), has supported me for the last 3 months that I've been here in SC. I still don't have a job (I really hope this interview goes through!)... but he's still there for me, reguardless. He fixes my car when it breaks, he's brought me breakfast in bed. When I cry he won't skip a beat, he's right there holding me and consoling me. If I am depressed or worried about something, it doesn't matter if I try to hide it, he knows. He understands me like no one else ever has and it's so unreal bc you've always imagined the perfect someone, but until you've experienced it.. you don't know what you're missing. When he hugs me and tells me he loves me, it feels so good. And what's better is to know he means it. And not only that.. having a relationship with someone, after you have been Best Friends with them for a while and know each other so well, it's a really good feeling. bc you feel like you've known each other forever. No exaggeration. When you find the right person... I mean, you really don't remember the beginning. It's like they've just always been there. At least that's how it is with me.
Getting back on topic... When you've known someone as a friend before you get with them, there really isn't any guessing involved. I mean, you just know them so well already, you've already got most of the ground covered. You don't know how nice it is to sit here in this computer room, sitting in a nice cumfy office chair with my feet propped up on the glass top to my new desk that Shane got me yesterday... typing on my laptop that's in my lap (where else would a LAPtop be?) knowing, that he did it all for me. This LIFE that he gave me. That HE is supporting (so far... til I get me job :D ) it was all done for ME. Of all people. It makes no sense. You really don't know how happy it makes me to think that someone would do that for me. I mean he was perfectly content sitting at home playing Counter Stike and hanging out with his friends all the time, having no bills, no one to nag at him (lol), no one to answer too. Getting paid 60 bucks (plus) a day in cash and not having a care in the world... But he'd rather be broke, living with me in our little trailer... it ain't no piece of shit, so you don't get to call me trailer trash. Sorry to burst your bubble. Lol.
Ugh, I just can't tell you how happy he makes me. Really. Waking up every morning to the alarm clock going off.. then he gets dressed and lays back in bed next to me playing with my hair, kissing my face, and just holding me until Russel comes to pick him up on his way to work... Half the time I'm still sleeping. He just enjoys doing it... and I love being pampered. Lol Then he comes home from work and I get a really dirty hug, but I don't mind bc it's warm and always followed by a kiss and an "I Love You." Knowing he's at work to support US. He sacrifices a lot to be with me and I usually don't realize it much anymore... I mean, it's just routine. And I don't mean to get caught up in routine and not appreciate things, but it happens to everyone, ya know. Ugh, I don't know. I could go on with this conversation for muuuuch longer, buuuuuuut... it's late, and I can't think. So I'm gunna have to call it quits. Lol. Just know that when you hug someone and hold them close, and you feel that warmth, and know that that person loves you as much as you love them... it's the Best Feeling in the World!
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