0214... If that were a date, it'd be Valentines Day. 2/14. Lol. Anyways, I definitely didn't want to get up this morning, but I did. It definitely feels better getting up on your own. And what I mean by getting up on your own is not having the effects of the sleeping pill you took the night before still weighing you down in the morning. I'm less tired and feel better when I get home. I can go to bed later, and still wake up when I need to for work and be okay. On the pill I go to bed at 1830ish (6:30) and I get to work and I'm tired. Without the pill, I can go to bed at 2000 (8:00) and still feel good when I wake up... even if I didn't actually get to the sleeping part til 2130 for random unknown reasons... I'm still good. It's nice.
What isn't nice is that I told my supervisor yesterday that I'm leaving to go back to Florida in two weeks. And I feel bad because I just got here and I'm sure they were relieved to finally get the spot filled and give them a little bit of relief come Christmas time. And now I'm leaving. And she's already got the schedule filled all the way until Christmas. So not only is she going to have to redo all that, but now everyone else is gunna go back to being over worked and under staffed. And this job isn't an easy one to fill. I feel bad for leaving, but I did give my full two weeks notice. I think Toni's kinda upset with me tho. When I told her... it's the first time she just didn't say anything. She's never just stopped and stared like she did after I told her. I think what was going through her mind was that she has to redo the schedules, everyone's going to be over worked, and it just came out of nowhere for her. But then again, it came out of no where for me too. I don't know. I just can't help but feel bad.
And the other people I hate to leave are Russel, Janice, and CJ. Of the three, Janice is the one I'm least worried about. She's got Russel to talk with even tho they bicker back and forth. It always clears up, and not only that, she's the only one out of the three that have family to turn to. She's got someone to trust. Russel and CJ don't really have that. Russel is our landlord, and basically Shane's Godfather. He's helped us through a lot. And he and Shane have gotten close, tho I doubt he'd admit to it. And I really hate to take the one person he knows won't turn on him 300 miles away. Everyone else just seems to be two faced and backstabbing. Not EVERYONE, but Shane's really earned his trust and not many people get that. I just really hate to leave him. And CJ... he's just. I don't know how to explain that one. He's Shane's brother and he's got nobody. He puts up with a lot and Shane and I are really his only escape. I really hate to leave him there because I feel like I'm just leaving him alone in this giant mess. Right in the middle it. I told Shane that we should take him to Florida during the summers. It'd give him something to look forward to and get him out of all the drama. I think he'd like that. At least I hope so. I just really hate leaving him here.
So leaving here and going back home isn't as thrilling as it should be. You'd think I'd be happy about it. And I am, but every time I think about leaving, I think about the ones I'm letting down and I hate it. Yet at the same time, what am I suppose to do with the baby coming? I CAN NOT raise it around all the stuff going on around here. There's too much drama and too much stress and just too much bullshit going around. It's not a good environment AT ALL to raise a baby in. I'd give you details, but I'm just going to leave it at that. You don't need to know the drama. And not only that, I don't want to address it and have you look down on someone you don't know. He/She really is a great person, just has a few issues. He/She doesn't even know I'm pregnant. Shane doesn't want them to know. At least not yet. I'm sure he'll tell them eventually. But that's Shane's choice. I'm staying out of it.
So 12 days to go and I'll be home. We've got an apartment at the beach lined up and ready to move in come December 1st, although we aren't moving in until the 6th or 7th. I'm excited about the fact that it's at the beach. I can't wait for summer to come along. Even tho I'll be pregnant as hell when that time gets here. But I'm sure Jon will love coming over with it that close to the beach. Haha. It's about 2 miles from Hannah Park according to Dad. And it's right next to the ferry. So if I wanna go the the Jetties (my favorite beach) then all I gotta do is hit the ferry and I'm basically there. Driving completely around takes forever. I'd rather just pay the three bucks and float my ass across. Lol.
Getting off off topic again, I was sitting outside with Shane yesterday and we had a little bonfire thing going in the backyard. Just burning pine straw and random shit that we found laying around. And I just started looking around me. Looking at the Gazebo and the lake in front of us and thinking about all the ducks that like to gather under the tree in the front yard. Thinking about all the time we spent at that stupid dock catching nothing and still having a great time. Me being the gofer when it came time to get drinks or worms. Russel would give me some money and I'd run to the store and get cigarettes or worms or beer. Whatever anyone asked for. It was fun. Definitely good times. I'm going to miss those. Or when they'd get a good catch and I have to take a picture and run to the house and print it out for Sheldon so he could show it to his preacher. Lol. And he was always so amazed when it came to what technology could do. He calls the monitor a TV. Lol. Sheldon is the guy who owns all the land here. He's a nice guy. I'm definitely going to miss it. Who knows, maybe we'll be back one day.
This nausea thing is starting to get to me. I don't mind the puking, I'm just not a fan of constantly feeling like I have to then having my body change it's mind. Hell, at this rate I'll lose weight during the pregnancy instead of gain it. I don't each much as it is, and when I do eat it ends up back out. What's up with that? Lol. I'm getting tired again too. At least today when I get home I can actually sleep. I couldn't yesterday because then I wouldn't have been able to sleep that night. But I don't gotta worry about that now. Not tonight anyways.
Well it's 0601 now and I'm tired as hell. People are starting to come in. This the most action I have seen in the past two weeks. Even saw the garbage man today. It still didn't keep me from passing out a few times. And even nodding off while writing this. I'll be alright in the end. As long as I don't get any philosophers in here today then I'm... well I was going to “I'm good” but then a philosopher came in. That's just how my luck is I guess. That's what I get for being grouchy.
Well I just got two trucks in. Finally. And I got this heater thing sitting next to me and it is workin good. But now I feel like I'm gunna get sick. I hate randomly gaging but not having to get sick. Just let it out, geez. It's so annoying. Well Cardinal man just arrived. Right on time too. Tim Evans, truck 20813, trailer 265654, and a hat. It's like a video game with him. If I get it all right I unlock a bonus and get a conversation. I like catching him off guard. It ruins his little facade he's got going on.
Biker man just got here too. I knows his ass is cold on a motorcycle. You wouldn't see me doing that. My car has got frost all over it just from sitting there for almost 5 hours now. So on a bike, I can only imagine the cold. He's got guts. Cold ones, but he's got guts.
0659. Three hours left before I can go home and sleep. I got this heater two feet away from me. Two freakin feet... and it's still cold. And not only is that on, but the main heater is on too. Set for 76. How can I still be cold? Supposedly it's only 34 degrees out right now. Only. Lol. Yeah, I'm getting used to the 20's I guess. Well I was looking at wedding rings for Shane last night and I think I finally found one I like. I just need to get to a jewelery store so we can see what size we really are instead of using those paper ones you print out online. They aren't exactly accurate. Haha, all the grass is frozen over. Sorry, random.
But I was getting opinions on rings and I had three that I narrowed it down to. One of which was just a plain gold band. The other weren't so simple. They weren't complicated my any means, just not a plain band. And I wanted to get him something that would stand out among other rings. So there were two others. One was more of a titanium band with a thick gold ring around the center. And the other was a rounded, glossy silver ring with a thin gold ring along the center. I think I'm going with that one. Doesn't sound like much but I really liked it and so did everyone else who saw it. Well everyone at Mom's house anyways. Lol. I showed Jon the titanium looking one and he liked it. Then he said the more he looked at it the more he liked it. And Shane liked it too, but for a wedding ring I'd like something a little less casual. Something that would stand out and say “Look at ME! I'm Married!” Lol. I think the one I chose is the one he liked the most. So we'll see how it goes. It's just a size issue now.
It's now 0847. Ive had a lot of people coming in and out keeping me busy. So it's been good. I like days like this. What's going to suck is when there is no one here later this week and we are double staffed. Two guards on post at all times and we are working 10-12 hour shifts. That is going to suck ass, but the check will be about 500. So it's worth it I guess. Lol. I'm just not gunna be in that great of a mood when I gotta work with Fletcher. There is just always this awkward silence and nothing to talk about and he's always staring at me. Not in a bad way. I guess when you're in here by yourself all the time with nothing to do and you see another human... something that MOVES unlike all the other useless, inanimate stuff this place is filled with. Then yeah, it passes the time to look. Idk. That's just my theory. 0901. I gots an hour left so I'm off of here. See ya!
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